The Mad World

C and Garlic

Horseradish and marshmallow

So good for me and yet -

I can’t swallow you in one.

I have to cut you in half.

I gag a little and cough and hope no one noticed.

Or I chew

Oh god, I chew

And it’s like chewing horseradish, garlic and marshmallow

It’s the worst thing ever

It’s like death ten times over but you’re not just dying: you’re puking.

It’s a horrid death, the kind that lingers on your tongue, your teeth, and you find yourself roaming Westfield like a weeping, possessed spirit, buying Muffin Break, Tic Tacs, corn nuts, ANYTHING, to wash away this taste of pain, of disgust, of hell.

It’s like all that and it’s all my fault.

….

 I wonder if everyone else is like me.

Jess: Excuse me?

Bogan guy: Hello?

Jess: Hi. Hello. Can I…can I ask you a question?

Bogan guy: I…uh…yeah.

Jess: Where did you get your t-shirt?

Bogan guy: Oh. It’s a present.

Flights of fancy erupt. A golden swan of possibility arches her wings, her motions move from lazy flaps to epic, manic swings. This mofo is going to get my two-cents whether he likes it or not.

Jess: I’d like to discuss something with you for a moment. Is that Ok? Do you mind?

BG: What?

Jess: It’s called Blind Patriotism. Do you know what that mean- – wait a minute. I might be getting ahead of myself. You do seem really drunk and dumb, but I’d better ask…you’re not wearing the shirt ironically are you?

BG: What?

Jess: …..

BG: No. I didn’t have time to iron it. The concert started at 4.00pm. I came straight from work.

Jess: I know, dude, early start hey! And don’t get me started on how difficult it is to iron shirts with screen printing!

BG: Yeah. It so is. Like you have to turn it inside out and turn the heat way down low, like on the silk setting and – -

Jess: You’re an ignorant cunt.

BG: Oh. WHAT?

Jess: Blind patriotism is the refuge of the scoundrel. The opiate of the masses. It’s the reason why humans aren’t encouraged to self-perfect. It’s the reason why people use buzzwords like ‘liaise’ instead of ‘ talk’. The reason why suburbs like Elizabeth Bay exist. You are perpetuating a nation of vague, faceless, beige ROBOTS. You are a scourge on humanity. You make me so fucking sick I want to rip out my hair and shove it down my throat so I can just stop breathing in your air. YOU ROBOT. YOU FACELESS ROBOT CUNT. I’M GOING TO HURT YOU. I WILL CUT YOUR FACE. I WILL EAT YOUR EYES. I WILL — Oooh! This song’s about Dolphins!

 BG: Huh?

 Jess: Excuse me. I’m going to talk to the tall smiley rapey guy and see if he’ll take some birds-eye photos for me.

 AND SCENE.

 One day I’ll get courage like that. And my legions of enemies will never have eyes again.